some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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