Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You can't special order awesome
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
