You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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