well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
