I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
