The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
why do cheetos always look like penises
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I still have a little drunk in my system
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
