you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
