If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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