he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
