3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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