Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So squirting runs in the family.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
