I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
