butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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