I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
