smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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