If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
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Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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