I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
