It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
