He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
