Sponge bath it is.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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