My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
