just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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