Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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