Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
