I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
