So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
