I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
