I wish I could teleport
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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