You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
