I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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