When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
