I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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