i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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