Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
