dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
