you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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