eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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