last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
