im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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