remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
