Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
