Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
