my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
