oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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