spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
