I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize