that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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