What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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