dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
