why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
