You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There r osticjed everywhere
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
