i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
