hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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