she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
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Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.