Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
