At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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