he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
