I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
