Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So much rum. So many feels.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
