I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
