I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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