I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
