You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
