i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize