My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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