Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
