Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
