in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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