Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
