I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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