He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
