she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
